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Is It The Will of God For Me To Marry Or Remain Single?

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I've had individuals ask me in tears, "Brother Triplett, how can I know if God wants me to be married or remain single?"

Are you struggling with that question? Are you wondering if marriage is God's will for your life?

Would you like to get that questioned answered, once and for all? In this practical teaching, I'll help you come to understand if it is the will of God for you to marry or remain single…

by Gillis Triplett

Who Should You Ask Such A Critical Question?
Depending on who you ask, you could get a variety of answers. Some of the answers will literally take your breath away. You'll walk away from these people thinking, "Dear Lord, if I get married, I might be going against the will of God for my life!" Others will leave you dangling in a state of immense confusion.

When they are through giving you their personal opinion, or their religious or denominational viewpoint, you won't know what the Lord's will for your life is. Various ministers tell people to ask God if it is His will for them to be married. On the surface, that sounds like a super spiritual prayer, but is it? Can you find anyone in the Bible praying that prayer?

Read this Scripture in Psalm 119:89, and don't ever forget it: "For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven." There are certain issues that you don't pray about under any circumstances, nor do you seek a prophetic word, a sign, or a vision from God. What you do concerning these issues is go to the Written Word of God. Once you find out what the Lord has said, your responsibility is to get in line with His Written Word. Below is a list of a few issues the Lord has already settled with His Word.

Is it the will of God for you to be saved? Answer: (I Timothy 2:3-4)
Is it the will of God for you to pray? Answer: (Luke 18:1)
Is it the will of God for you to forgive? Answer: (Mark 11:25-26)
Is it the will of God for you to attend a church? Answer: (Hebrews 10:25)

To pray about any of the above issues would mean that you have rejected what God has already said concerning that matter. People who pray over issues God has already settled in His Word, set themselves up to be deceived and misled. The question about whether you should or should not get married has also already been settled in God's Word. Before we learn what God said about this issue, let's briefly examine some of the common ways ministers and others mislead God's flock with their man-made opinions.

Do You Have The Gift of Marriage Or The Gift of Singleness?
This popular teaching has been circulating in many Christian circles for years. However, it does not originate from the Written Word of God. There is no such thing in the Bible as the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage! If you have been wondering which gift you do have, I command you in the Name of Jesus, to stop it right now!

You have neither because in the economy of God they do not exist. I realize the people espousing such doctrines are sincere; nevertheless, this teaching does not emanate from the Scriptures. It stems from the opinions, pride, fears and subverted beliefs of men. That is why you are bound under God to fully reject it, (See Acts 17:11 and Revelation 2:1-2).

Do You Have The Gift of Celibacy?
This is another one of those debilitating man-made doctrines floating around in the church. This doctrine stems from what Paul said in I Corinthians 7:7, "For I would that all man were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that." Various preachers read that verse and concluded that Paul was referring to some sort of a gift of celibacy. But they missed three crucial points.

(a)   The definition of celibacy means: to abstain from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. God has initiated no such vows.

(b)   In verse six, Paul clearly stated that his position to remain single and his suggestion to others to follow his footsteps was not a commandment of God. Paul emphasized that he was speaking from his PERSONAL CONVICTION! You do not base such a critical decision on someone's personal convictions. I don't care if it is the Apostle Paul or the Apostle Bishop Doctor Zuma Zuma! Your decision must be based on the Written Word of God.

(c)   Paul's remaining single was not a gift. Like everyone else, Paul had a sex drive and a desire for companionship. He stated emphatically that he beat his sex drive and natural passions into subjection, (See I Corinthians 9:27). If he had not beaten his body into subjection, he would have fallen into sexual sin and become a castaway like others had become!

Certain preachers have erroneously taught that Paul had a special gift of celibacy. Paul had no such gift! What he had was an ironclad determination to beat his body into subjection so that he could focus all of his attention on serving God. To be blunt, Paul had to force himself to:

(1)    Keep his eyes off of the beauty of the female gender
(2)    Not think about marriage
(3)   Not think about having children or a family
(4)    Daily put a cap on his God-given sex drive, and
(5)  Daily deaden his natural desire for companionship

If you are not willing to take all five of those rigorous steps for the rest of your life, then don't deceive yourself; you are not a candidate to remain single!

Let God Be Your Husband or Your Wife?
I have heard many single Christians be told by well meaning ministers to allow God to be their husband or wife. To be quite frank, I don't know where this ludicrous doctrine started. All I can tell you is that it did not originate from the Written Word of God. Jesus said in John 4:24, "God is a spirit."

I cannot kiss a spirit. I cannot make love to a spirit. I cannot hold a spirit's hand. I cannot run my hands through a spirit's hair. Are you following me?

A spirit cannot rub my back, eat breakfast with me, hold me or give birth to my children. Only a live flesh and blood wife can do those things.

God can no more be your husband or your wife, anymore than He can be your postman or your auto mechanic! When you hear people make such ridiculous statements, mark them as spiritually unlearned, and go on about your business.

Did God Call You To Be a Eunuch?
In times past, certain cultures would castrate men and place those males as guards over their harems. Since they were emasculated, this guaranteed that the men would not make sexual advances toward the females in the harem. These men were called eunuchs. In Matthew 19:12, Jesus revealed three classes of eunuchs:

(1)   Those who are born eunuchs. People from this group are born impotent or with birth defects and with other deformities that prevents them from having sexual intercourse. Also included in this group are the male babies who were ordered castrated by their parents for religious purposes.

(2)  Men who were castrated. People in this group include the individuals who had an accident, operation or physical attack that prevents them from having sexual intercourse. It also includes people who were ordered castrated by a court and those who engaged in self-mutilation.

(3)   The people who made a decision to become a eunuch. These individuals have decided, on their own, to forgo marriage for various reasons.

You have to go on spiritual high alert when you hear people claim God told them to remain single. Especially when these men and women cheerfully attempt to persuade others to follow them in their singleness. I have sat down with many of these individuals and what I have uncovered is this. They decided to remain single, not because God commanded them, but primarily because of one or more of these reasons or problems:

  • They have a fear of marriage   
  • They lost hope in finding a mate
  • They have a fear of the unknown
  • They have physical problems
  • They fear the opposite sex  
  • They are spiritually immature
  • They fear raising children
  • They'd rather chase career ambitions
  • They have a fear of trusting others 
  • No one could ever live with them  
  • They have low self-esteem                 
  • They don't want to be bothered with kids
  • Their secret sins might surface
  • They have a fear of getting a divorce
  • They contracted the HIV/AIDS virus
  • They have contracted some other STD
  • They have a fear of failure           
  • They have emotional problems   
  • They are bitter toward the opposite sex 
  • No human can meet their expectations     
  • They have a fear of commitment     
  • They'd rather chase career ambitions   
  • They have a cantankerous attitude          
  • They have lost hope in marriage 
  • They don't want to be bothered with kids

I sat down and listened to a well-known unmarried minister who preaches the gift of singleness with zeal and a passion! As he began to talk, the real reason why he was single came to the surface.

For some undisclosed reason, he was ashamed of his physical appearance!

His self-esteem was at a minus twenty and that caused him to be afraid of the opposite sex. This minister turned his fear into a false doctrine he entitled: The Gift of Singleness.

He did not have the gift of singleness.

He was scared of women!

If you listen to ministers like him, they will lead you away from finding and following the will of God for your life.

Let's get clear on this point. God does not call a person to be a eunuch. Neither does God call or choose a person to be single for the rest of their life. That is a personal decision a man or a woman makes using his or her own free will and volition. God did not call or assign Paul to be single for the rest of his life. Paul made that decision on his own. Had Paul married, God would not have been mad at him.

Do You Have The Gift of No Thirst?
You need to carefully ponder this next point. God gave each of us a sex drive and a desire for companionship. These things were installed in us before we were born. How unjust would God be to give us a pre-installed sex drive, a built-in desire for companionship, emphatically tell us that it is not good that man should be alone, command us to be fruitful and multiply, and then turnaround and: (a) condemn us if we desire to get married? Or, (b) tell us, "By the way, "I know what I put in you, however, I'm calling you to remain single!"

That's like God giving us a desire to drink water, but then condemn us if we try to quench our thirst! Do you go around praying if it is the will of God for you to quench your thirst? Do you have the gift of no thirst? No you do not! If you do not drink water, you don't drink water by choice, but your body still craves it!

Marriage Is Not A Gift - Marriage Is God's Divine Order
Here are some critical things God said about marriage:

Genesis 1:28, “… God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth…”

Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone…”

Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing…”

Jeremiah 29:6 NIV, “Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.

I Timothy 5:14, “I will therefore that the younger woman marry, bear children, guide the house…”

Proverbs 5:18, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

Ecclesiastes 9:9, “Live joyfully with the wife of thy youth…”

Engrave this crucial point in your mind. Marriage is not a gift. Marriage is God's divine order for mankind!

Don't Be Led By The Doctrines of Devils.

I Timothy 4:1-3 [Emphasis added]
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
3 Forbidding to marry.

Paul by the Holy Spirit alerted us that a group of ministers would creep into the church and teach doctrines of devils. One of the components of the doctrines of devils is forbidding men and women to marry. Some denominations and religious organizations demand that their clergy make vows of celibacy.

These people are bound by seducing spirits and doctrines of devils. The Lord classifies what they teach and impose upon others as doctrine of demons because they directly defy the command God gave to the church, which is to: marry, be fruitful and multiply!

Is It The Will of God For You To Marry Or Remain Single?
Answer: That is a personal decision! If you decide to stay single, do not attempt to impose your beliefs, thoughts or opinions about your singleness upon anyone.

Do not try to appear super spiritual by claiming God called you to be single.

He did not!

By making such false statements, you do two things: (a) You make yourself to be a practicing LIAR! And (b) You mislead others down a road of unnecessary prolonged agony and personal and spiritual confusion.

If you stay single, you made the decision to remain single on your own! You say, "But Brother Triplett, Evangelist So and So, says God called her to remain single." All that means is that Evangelist So and So lied on God, whether she knew it or not!

Singleness Is Not a Gift Or Calling From God!
Remaining unmarried is a decision some people make for various reasons, some of which may have nothing to do with serving God. Singleness is not a gift or calling from God. Let no man deceive you, deciding to remain single for the rest of your life is strenuous work! When a person is married, they can legally relieve their sexual desires and tensions.

A single person cannot get relief unless they get into sexual sin. Very few people can accomplish Paul's feat of remaining single their entire life and at the same time remain sexually pure. That is why Paul said in I Corinthians 7:9, if you cannot refrain from desiring to have sex or extinguish your desire for companionship until the day you die, then it is better for you to marry than to be inflamed in sexual sin.

The people who claim God will somehow magically wipe out your sex drive, take away your desire for companionship and eliminate your attraction to the opposite sex, have subverted the Word of God! You cannot find anywhere in the Bible where God did that to one single solitary person, including the apostle Paul. If that single person does not daily beat their body into subjection and if they don't daily deaden their natural desires, they are going to fall into sexual sin.

That is not the picture of a gift of celibacy, that is a picture of hard work!

Why People Choose the Wrong MateWhat you cannot do is be double-minded about this crucial issue. In other words, one moment you believe God wants you to be married and the next moment, you believe God wants you to remain single. You've found The One, but then someone comes along and preaches a message about the gift of singleness. The next thing we know, you're wondering if it is the will of God for you to marry.

That is called being double-minded, (See James 1:6-8). You'll never receive anything from God wavering like that. I have showed what the Written Word of God says about marriage and singleness. Clearly, the will of God is for you to marry. But, if you decide to remain single, just as in Paul's case, the Lord will accept your decision!

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